In or Out, Which Way Does The Closet Door Swing?
by Travis Teaslin
Summary: It's almost three months, what will Joey do? How will Charlie react?
1. Joey's Letter

Aarrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The sound is a slow, low, guttural scream from Charlie. She is on her hands and knees, she is facing the ocean, tears are pouring down her cheeks.

A letter is scrunched in her hands.

***

Charlie had returned from work to find Ruby doing homework at the kitchen table. "Hey Charlie. How was work?"

Charlie had not answered her, the top envelope of mail, which was noticeably resting on the window sill, was addressed to Charlie Buckton; she had recognized the handwriting immediately.

'Joey' the name boomed in her head.

Without thinking or answering Ruby's question Charlie had snatched the envelope and bolted out the door.

It had been almost three months.

Charlie was very aware Joey was due back sooner rather than later now, she was practically counting the days. She was constantly beside herself with nervous excitement at the idea of finally seeing Joey again. She believed with all her heart that their love would triumph and that they would be together again.

***

Charlie had spent the last seventy-two days hating herself for sleeping with Hugo. She had done nothing but work and work out. Seeing Angelo, Roman and Hugo around town had only reaffirmed to Charlie that she loved Joey. She didn't feel love when she saw them. However, they had all reminded her of Joey, of what she had with Joey, how special Joey had made her feel, Joey's gently touch and her soft lips.

Charlie was desperate to have Joey back in the Bay. To reestablish their relationship, to rectify everything she had done wrong. Nobody had ever captured her attention or her heart the way that Joey had.

She loved Joey, and she was (finally!), ready for the world to know it.

***

"Charlie?" Ruby's hand lightly touches her sisters shoulder.

Charlie jerks suddenly at Ruby's touch. The sound of the pounding ocean and her heart wrenching sobs were all that she could hear.

Ruby looks down at Charlie, she sees a broken mess, Charlie is kneeling in the sand, her eyes red and rimmed, her hair a tangled windy mess, "Charlie, it's me, Rubes. Are you OK?" Ruby's heart breaks, she had also recognized the handwriting on the envelope and knowing it was from Joey she had followed her sister to the beach. She also knew how much Charlie had hurt Joey, something in her told her it may not be good news.

Kneeling down in the sand beside her sister, Ruby's arms wrap protectively around Charlie, she pulls her in tight, kissing her gently on the top of her head.

At Ruby's embrace, Charlie feels her tears as they come streaming again. She collapses into Ruby's arms. Charlie is lost to her emotions, she feels numb.

They hold each other for a long time. No words are spoken, they simply watch the retreating surf.

***

"Charlie. Talk to me. Tell me something." Ruby, still clutching her sister, hears her voice which is croaked with emotion

Charlie turns slightly, she looks deep into Ruby's eyes, she can't speak.

It takes a moment, but she eventually thrusts the crumpled pieces of paper towards Ruby as new tears flow.

Ruby gently releases Charlie as she takes the letter in her hands.

Slowly reading, her own tears form as she reads Joey's sad words.

Ruby can't believe it, Joey is not coming back.

The letter is detailed and emotional, Ruby's eyes flit between the pages and Charlie's face. Unable to read anymore, she finally puts the letter down. Her own heart breaks for Charlie. She is choked to read that Joey feels their trust has been broken, that Summer Bay is full of too many sad memories, that Charlie broke her heart too many times and she doesn't feel she has any fight left in her to try again at their relationship.

Ruby looks sadly at Charlie, she sees a heart that is crushed, reaching she takes Charlie's hands tenderly in her own, "Oh God, Charlie! I'm so sorry." She knows the words are inadequate.

She simply, holds Charlie close, as their tears freely flow.

Charlie, eventually takes the letter from Ruby's hands. She lets her eyes fall desperately, once again, over the now tear smeared words, before her eyes come back to rest on Ruby's face.

Charlie looks dejected as she says, "Ruby, take me home. I need a drink."

Slowly they both rise and hand in hand wander silently back home.

***

Charlie lies broken and alone on her bed.

She had one neat vodka when she got home but it didn't make her feel any better so she had quit. The crumpled letter is lying sadly on the pillow next to her.

She wants nothing more than to blot out the pain that is ripping at her heart and her soul, but she knows there is nothing, nothing she can do.

Both Leah and Ruby had tried to get her to the dinner table but she had refused. She couldn't eat, she is numb and unbelieving.

She is lost.

***

Waking the next morning, Charlie again feels the breaking of her heart. She doesn't want to get out of bed, she doesn't want t face the world. Rolling on her side she looks sadly out the window; her tears again flow.

It's Ruby's gentle tapping on her door, that brings Charlie back to the moment.

Charlie wipes hard at her eyes, she doesn't want Ruby to see her like this.

"You can rub all you like Charlie, I can still see how much you are hurting." Ruby's words are soft and caring as Ruby enters the bedroom.

Ruby knows she may have been upset with Charlie at first, placing her in 'pretend lesbian land,' but she had now seen how much both woman had loved each other, she knew how happy Joey had made Charlie and that was what made Ruby happy.

"I'm alright." Charlie's words are soft and meek.

"Yeah Charlie, sounds like it. You must feel like springing out of bed and tackling the world today!" Ruby lies down beside her sister, letting her arms fall gently over her.

They lie there for a minute.

"Ruby, what am I going to do?" Charlie shakes as a sob uncontrollably wracks her body.

"Sshhh." Ruby strokes lovingly at Charlie's hair, "Charlie, you'll be alright. I know you don't believe me right now, but you'll meet someone else. It will take time, and it will hurt, but eventually, you'll fall in love again."

"Not like Joey though." Charlie's voice is soft as she gets lost in her memories of Joey.

Charlie rolls slowly onto her back, she looks sadly at Ruby, "I don't even know who I am Rubes. I mean, really, _who am I_?" The question is imploring, Ruby doesn't know what to say. "I mean, am I _gay_? _straigh_t? _was it just Joey_?"

Ruby has no words, she doesn't know.

Two months ago, Ruby would never have put 'Charlie' and 'gay' in the same sentence, but now having seen Charlie in a happy relationship with a woman, she is equally confused. All she knows is she no longer cares, "Charlie, it doesn't matter. Boy, girl; girl, boy. What difference does it make? As long as they make you happy."

Charlie looks deep into Ruby's eyes, she loves her sister, she wanders when she got so smart, "Thanks Rubes. That doesn't help my breaking heart or massive state of confusion, but thanks."


	2. Still Unbelieving

"Charlie, I have to go to school, will you be alright?"

"Yeah, sure, don't worry about me Rubes. I'll be fine." Charlie feels new tears want to spill from her eyes. She wants Ruby to go, but she also knows when she is gone she will want her back with her again. Rolling back onto her side Charlie again, looks out the window, "I'll see you later." A tear softly escapes and rolls down her cheek.

"I'll be home for lunch." Ruby's words are soft as she gently closes the door to Charlie's room.

Charlie lies very still, Joey's letter is pulled tight to her chest. She can't breathe. She is still unbelieving.

Releasing the letter, Charlie reads it slowly once more.

The words become etched on her heart.

***

_Charlie,_

_I miss you. _

_I'm enjoying myself on the trawler. We have been really busy and made some fantastic catches. The crew are really nice, and it's nothing like with Robbo. (My skin still crawls when I think of him.) It has been nice to be on the open seas, with the fresh air and sunshine twinkling on the waters surface. _

_I know we will be docking further up the coast in a few days, just for a couple hours to refuel etc; that's why I want to write you this letter, hopefully I will have the courage to post it, before I again, change my mind._

_I have thought about you, (us) a lot. _

_Actually, you have barely left my thoughts, which is why writing this letter will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do._

_I want you to know that I loved you. I gave you my heart and for a moment, I thought you loved me too. I really thought we had something special, something that would last. But Charlie, I now realize that is gone. _

_I can't come back to Summer Bay._

_Now when I think of the Bay, everything feels tainted. Tainted with bad memories, with memories I don't want to remember. I think of Robbo and my brother. The way Brett took Robbo's side and then threw me out of the house for being gay. How Brett trashed your car. _

_I still get angry at that, you got swept into my world and the last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt. For that I can only apologize._

_Of-course, I have good memories too, like the day I took you out on the boat. The magical moment when I realized that I loved you and obviously, the night that you kissed me. These are the memories that I cherish, that I think of every night as I go to sleep._

_But I also know how much you struggled with the idea of us and I know it was never easy for you; not even when we were together, it would probably never be easy for you. So Charlie, I want to make this easy on both of us. _

_From the bottom of my heart all I want is for you to be happy and free. I didn't want you to worry about other people or your career. All I wanted was for you to be happy, for me to be able to make you happy, but I now know that I can't. As you said you have too many responsibilities, it changes your life too much. It was never something you thought possible for yourself._

_I hope you will never forget me, or the little time we spent together and I hope you don't just remember the struggles we had._

_Can you please say goodbye to everyone for me. I can't thank you or Aiden enough for your support after Robbo; or Ruby or Leah for being so welcoming when I had nowhere else to go and you bought me home. I will miss you all terribly, you were like my second family, a family I never had. _

_Please send them all my love and tell them I think of them often._

_Charlie, I am comfortable with who I am, I still have some stuff to work through with regards to Robbo and Brett, but I am not uncomfortable being gay and I want to give you the space that I think you need to find yourself. I'm sorry that I made you question yourself, made you wander who you are. Maybe you're not gay, maybe as you said, before you ran away to your Dad's, you were just responding to my love, it is nice to be loved. If you were, then I am sorry, I never meant to confuse you, to hurt you._

_You told me that you loved me and asked me not to go, but Charlie, by then the damage was done. What I really wish, is that you would have talked to me about what you were feeling before, I would have given you space, now, after everything with Hugo, you have broken my trust. I know I said I would be back in three months and we would see where things are, but it's too painful. I don't think we could ever build a relationship with you trying to find yourself and me trying to build my trust in you again. Too much has been broken. It just wouldn't work._

_I hope you can understand. I hope it is easier for you to find yourself, without me around. Charlie, I think your amazing and beautiful and I need you to know, that you captured my heart. _

_You will always be in my thoughts._

_I really do hope you find the happiness, I know you deserve._

_Please remember, __I will always love you__._

_Joey. xxx_

_***_

Charlie's fingers trail carefully over the final words, '_I will always love you. _' Her heart breaks again. 'Damn it Joey, I _was happy_ with you, I _do_ love you.' Charlie screams the words in her room. 'Why the hell did Hugo find me that night? Why the hell do I struggle with the word gay? Why the hell do I keep stuffing up relationships?'

Charlie is angry with herself, she rolls over, rises to her knees and repeatedly punches her pillow, "Aaarrrggghhhhhh" her frustration screams out of her.

Out of breath and angry she pushes the pillow from the bed, it thumps against the closed door before hitting the floor. Charlie collapses, she's sobbing. The words from Joey's letter are repeating in her head, her own stupid words she realizes,_ responding to my love_, _too_ _many responsibilities_, _worry of other people's opinion_, _Hugo_, _Hugo_, _Hugo_.

"God damn it Charlie, if you felt confused before, then without Joey you really are going to be confused now" Charlie is facing the mirror, not ashamed to be talking to herself. "How could you let her go?" The question is full of anguish before she is suddenly up and bursting out of her room.

She dashes quickly to the kitchen, delves skillfully into the fridge, then gracefully retrieves a glass, before flopping heavily onto the sofa. "Ten-thirty seems like a perfectly reasonable time for wine." The words are out, loud and proud, as she unscrews the cap of the sauvignon.

***

Upon entering the house on her lunch break, Ruby drops her school bag in the kitchen before she heads towards Charlie's room. She abruptly stops in the lounge, "Charlie? Are you OK?"

Ruby looks sadly at her sister.

Charlie is sprawled across the lounge, still in her pyjamas. The empty wine bottle lays on it's side on the floor in front of her. Scrunched tissues are at her feet, Ruby notes the wine glass on the table has no more than one mouthful left.

"The wine help, did it?" Ruby can't help the words which are a little sarcastic.

"No, not really." Charlie's red eyes look up at her sister, her words are slurred, "Maybe just for a minute though."

Charlie lets her head hang carelessly off the sofa, she laughs at herself.


	3. A Girls Night In

By Friday, Ruby had had enough of Charlie's moping, she had noticed how Charlie had barely eaten, how Charlie had gone to work but then just come straight home and locked herself in her room. Ruby also noticed how Charlie looked tired and haggard, and the fact that she hadn't been exercising, that in itself, Ruby knew, was cause for concern.

"Charlie, we are having a girls night in tonight, I'm getting some DVD's, Leah will be at work and you are going to spend some time with me, OK!"

Ruby sounds forceful, Charlie just shrugs as she slouches over her morning coffee.

"Damn it Charlie, you'll need to put some effort in tonight." Ruby turns sharply on her heel, grabbing her school bag she legs it out the door. "I hope I don't regret giving up a Friday night with Xavier to be with you." The bitter words are thrown over her shoulder as she goes.

Charlie flinches a little, she knows she is being unreasonable and her mopping around is really getting to everyone. She makes a mental note to herself to make more of an effort.

***

"Hey Charlie, are you home?"

"Yeah Rubes, in the lounge."

Charlie appears to sound a little more upbeat, Ruby walks through to the lounge, she is surprised to see the place has been tidied a little bit, flowers are on the table.

"Who are the flowers for?"

"You. Well, you and Leah. I just wanted to say sorry, I know I haven't been pleasant to be around recently."

Ruby smiles, she steps closer to Charlie, they hug. Looking closer to the table, Ruby sees the wine glass.

"Still drinking though, I see."

"Hey, I didn't say I was better."

"Charlie, this has got to stop." Both girls fall onto the sofa. "Have you tried to call her?"

Charlie looks sad, "Yeah, but there is never any connection."

"Can you not speak to Aiden, find out the course of the boat, meet her somewhere, when it next docks?"

"Ruby, I don't really want to talk about it OK." Charlie reaches over, takes a big mouthful of her wine, feels her eyes again become moist, she doesn't want to cry, "So what movies did you get?"

"OK, don't get mad or judgmental" Ruby says as she jumps up and grabs her bag from the kitchen, reaching inside she removes three DVD's, hands them to Charlie.

Charlie takes a minute to read the covers, she laughs quietly to herself, "Do I detect a theme here?"

"Well, you are the one questioning your sexuality." Ruby looks cheekily at Charlie, "And you're not saying very much, so we may as well see how other people go about it. It may even help!" Ruby laughs.

"Kissing Jessica Stein, Gray Matters and If These Walls Could Talk 2!" Charlie lets her head fall back against the sofa, she smiles at Ruby, she really is the best sister in the world, "So which one are we watching first?"

"You choose, I'm ordering pizza and Charlie, you're paying!" The words are no sooner out of her mouth then Ruby has the phone to her ear and Charlie can't protest.

Smiling to herself Charlie gets up to get her wallet, she refills her wine and throws 'Gray Matters' in the DVD. Together the sit on the sofa and enjoy the movie.

***

The pizza is gone and Charlie is three quarters of the way through her wine before they start on 'Jessica Stein.'

Charlie feels good, sure, she has a buzz from the wine but, 'Gray Matters' had made her laugh and she is enjoying being with Ruby, "Thanks Rubes. This was a good idea." She wraps her arm around Ruby's shoulder and pulls her in close.

"It's nice to see you smile again." Ruby hugs Charlie back before pulling away. She looks cautiously at her sister, "Charlie, are you going to fight for her?" Ruby can't stop the question, she wants Charlie to be happy again, to be herself.

"We're not talking about it tonight, remember Rubes." Charlie kisses Ruby lightly on top of her head without another word she presses play on the movie.

***

By the end of 'Jessica Stein' Ruby is asleep on Charlie's lap.

"Rubes, Ruby." Charlie, gently rocks Ruby's shoulder, "Hey Ruby, wake up. It's time to go to bed."

Ruby gently stirs, she rubs at her eyes, "What time is it?"

"It's about eleven, time for bed."

Ruby stands on sleepy legs, she kisses Charlie on the cheek and then heads to her room, "Goodnight sis."

"Night Rubes." Charlie watches as she goes then rising she heads to the kitchen, grabs another bottle of wine and gets settled in to watch 'If These Walls.' She has to admit she is really enjoying the movies, realizes it feels nice to see other all female relationships.

Charlie is not ten minutes in before fresh tears start. The movie is poignant and immediately moving. She is gripped by the story of Edith and Abby. Profoundly moved by their 'friendship,' the struggles they must have faced. Charlie is glued to the screen.

So engrossed in the movie, Charlie doesn't even hear Leah as she comes home. Leah sees Charlie's tears, she wants to let her be. Only grabbing a glass of water Leah heads straight to her room.

***

Charlie wakes, stiff and sore the next morning, she is still on the sofa. Holding her head as she moves, a moan escapes from her lips. The two empty wine bottles are at her feet.

"Morning sleepy head."

Charlie turns to find Ruby in the doorway."

"Mmm, what time is it?"

"Nine-thirty. How are you feeling?"

"Like rubbish." Charlie rubs at her eyes, "I need to go for a run."

"Don't forget you said you would take me for lunch today." Ruby knows it's a lie, but figures Charlie won't remember. She wants to keep her busy and occupied.

"Ah, yeah. Sure." Charlie can't remember, but figures it could be true. "I'll meet you at the diner at twelve."

"Cool." Ruby is out the door, before Charlie has the chance to change her mind.


	4. Lunch

"Hey Charlie" Ruby kisses her sister on the cheek as she sits down beside her in the diner. "Should we get take away, sit on the beach? It's a beautiful day."

"Ah, yeah sure. Sounds good." Charlie is looking quizzically at Ruby, she really can't remember agreeing to this lunch.

***

Sat on the beach, both stare out to sea, sandwiches in hand.

"Ruby, thanks for making the effort yesterday." Charlie looks at her sister, "Good choice of movies."

"Really? How was the Talking Walls one?"

"Oh my god, beautiful, sad at the start, hilarious at the end." Charlie smiles to herself as she remembers the film, "Really, really beautiful and very moving."

"So." Ruby turns slightly, she looks at Charlie, "Are we talking about it today?"

"Rubes, I don't know." Charlie looks away, casts her eyes out to sea. She feels a thousand words beat wildly in her chest but she doesn't know how to express herself.

"_What_ don't you know?"

"_I don't know what to say; _or_ how to say what I want to say._"

"Charlie, its me, just speak from your heart. I'm not here to judge you, you know that."

"I know, I know." Charlie's hand plays with some sand.

"So, just talk, even if it doesn't make sense."

Charlie sits quietly for a moment, her hand still flicking the sand, there is a torrent of emotions and thoughts whirling in her head.

"I guess, I'm shocked." Charlie's eyes glance quickly over at Ruby, before again looking out to sea, "I guess, I really believed she would come back. That we would have another chance." Charlie's eyes drop to the sand, they become moist, she swallows hard, she try's to contain her emotions.

Ruby lets her hand reach out, she strokes Charlie's back and looks sadly at her sister, "I guess I did as well."

"Really?" Charlie can't help but sound surprised, as their eyes briefly meet.

"Yes, really Charlie. I know it took me a while to get use to the idea, but you were really happy together and I liked that."

Charlie, still trying to hold her emotions, smiles a crooked smile at her sister.

"It took me a while to get use to the idea too, that's the whole problem!"

Ruby notes Charlie's tone, she's chastising herself.

"Do you still love her? Can you not fight for her?"

"Yes, of course I still love her. But Rubes, she said she's not coming back, she said it would be too hard for her, what do you expect me to do?"

"Charlie, she can't just get off the boat in the middle of the ocean, she's working, she'll need to finish her job. Surely the boat is coming back to Summer Bay as planned?"

A glimmer of hope flicks at Charlie's heart, she looks surprised at her sister, "You mean, you think, she will still be on the boat when it docks?" She can't believe she had not thought of that herself. 'good police work that would have been Charlie' she wants to hit herself over the head, but refrains.

"I would guess so! I figured she is maybe planning to take off after that."

Charlie feels her heart, it beats slightly faster, her mind begins to race, excitement builds in her chest

"So, if you really love her Charlie and want to fight for her, I suggest you spend the next month or whatever sorting yourself out. Decide what you really want, who you are."

Charlie's eyes once again fall gently to the sand at her feet, she feels the internal battle as her love for Joey and the thought of coming out, again begin to rage. Deep down she knows Ruby is right, she knows she worry's too much about other people, that she should just be concentrating on herself and Joey; that ultimately, it is her happiness at stake.

"I do want Joey, I love her." Charlie's words are soft, almost whispered. She pauses and looks at Ruby, she feels more words scramble in her mind. Ruby remains silent, she can see Charlie is trying to gather her thoughts, trying to decide what to say. "I really do love her, it's just I never thought I would fall in love with a woman." Charlie's eyes look deep into Ruby's before they are again staring out to sea. "Everything changes. I can't just walk down the street, holding hands, without other people's judgements. And even though it feels natural to me, you become very aware others won't necessarily see it as normal, whatever, 'normal' is!" Charlie feels tears begin to build, she looks again at Ruby, "And what about kids? Marriage? Everything I thought I knew about myself....."

Ruby hears Charlie's words as they trail off, she cuts in, "Of course it changes everything Charlie, but they are not things so big that you should run away from the relationship, if it is really what you want. Any new relationship is going to change your life in some way."

"Why do you keep asking me if it's really what I want? You know I loved her."

"I know you do Charlie. I'm just trying to get you to realize yourself how much you love her. You have been absolutely heartbroken since she left, but you have kept everything bottled up, as far as I know you haven't spoken to anyone. I just figure, the more you say it, think it, feel it, I'm hoping maybe it will sink in exactly what you had, what you could still have." Ruby's hand is once again rubbing at Charlie's back, "I don't want you to miss an opportunity to make up, if it's available. I want you to fight for her if that is what you want, I don't want to see you miserable and heartbroken anymore."

A tear escapes Charlie's eye, it rolls slowly down her cheek. She lets herself fall gently into Ruby's embrace.


	5. Fight or Flight?

Charlie pulls slowly from Ruby's embrace, she wipes the tears from her eyes. Her thoughts are consumed with Joey. She remembers everything they had. Ashamed, she remembers what she did. Charlie's voice is low, it's shaking, "Do you really think she would take me back?" She looks longingly at her sister.

Ruby holds Charlie's gaze for a short time, she reaches out, takes Charlie's hand, "I know she loved you." Her eyes become slightly dark, "I also know you broke her heart Charlie." Charlie feels Ruby gently squeeze her hand, "What you did can't be taken back, you can't change it. If you want to fight for her, it shouldn't be about if Joey will take you back, it should be about what you_ really feel_, what you _really wan_t. If you love her and are willing to be with her, really with her, then I think you should fight for her. I don't honestly know what Joey will do, however, if you are _really_ willing to take her back I know you'll need to be honest, you'll need to be open and you'll need to fight."

"From the moment I met her," Charlie's words are whispered, she becomes lost in her thoughts, she lets go of Ruby's hand and hugs her knees to her chest, Ruby watches quietly as her eyes glaze over as she stares out to sea, "God, from the moment I met her, she was like everything I ever wanted but everything I'm not suppose to have. She was intoxicating, she consumed me." Charlie's eyes turn slowly back to Ruby, "She changed my very being, altered who I am." Ruby watches as a single tear rolls gently down Charlie's cheek.

"I know." she rubs gently on Charlie's back as they sit in silence for a while.

Ruby's heart breaks for her sister. As she listens to Charlie's words they only confirm how much she loved Joey. "If you do this Charlie, you'll need to be totally accepting, you'll need to be open, Joey will need to be able to trust you again."

"I know."

"Do you think she could trust you again?" Ruby looks hard at Charlie, "What happens if you _freak_ _out_ again?" Her words are soft.

"I wouldn't." Charlie is quick to respond. "I know what I had with Joey, I know I messed it up, I know I hurt her. I don't want to do that again." Fresh tears silently escape, as memories of Hugo and all the damage she did, roll through her mind.

Ruby moves quietly across the sand, she sits behind Charlie, pulling her back into her chest she wraps her arms protectively around her, lets Charlie's head fall back on her shoulder, "Charlie if you fight, you know you can't do it half hearted. It wouldn't be fair on Joey."

Charlie's arms wrap over Ruby's, she squeezes them tight, "It wouldn't be Rubes. I couldn't do that to her, not again." Charlie's eyes fall to the sand at their feet, she's contemplative, "I have pushed her away so many times already, I know I couldn't do that again."

***

After leaving the beach and getting home, Charlie and Ruby watch "If These Walls Could Talk 2' Charlie had never been so touched by one movie, she needed to see it again, Ruby was curious after Charlie's glowing review.

Now curled up on the sofa together, Charlie lets herself really look at Ruby, 'When did she grow up? Become so smart?' Charlie chastises herself, 'I have to say, she is definitely the more open and emotional of the two of us! What is it with my sensible level head anyway? I'm like nobody else in the family. I really need to relax the hard front, tuff cop facade.'

Charlie is lost in her thoughts as she feels Ruby's words really hit home. A smile plays at the corner of Charlie's mouth, her heart is bursting with love for her sister when suddenly she sees tears fall quietly down Ruby's face. Reaching out, Charlie puts her arm around Ruby's shoulder and pulls her in close. They stay curled together on the sofa, both silent, both happy, both lost in the movie.

***

The next morning Charlie is up early. She feels good,

'The first time since Joey's letter arrived' she congratulates herself on the fact that she hadn't had a drink the night before. Throwing on her trainers, she is careful not to wake anyone else as she moves hastily out the front door. She lets the morning sunshine and fresh salt air wash over her as her feet pound their way along the footpath, towards the beach.

Thinking of the day before and Ruby's words, Charlie finds her thoughts are filed with love for her sister and her feelings for Joey. She heart wants to fight for Joey, but the voice in her head keeps asking 'what if you freak out again?' She knows she can't hurt Joey, hurt them both, like that again.

Without even being aware of where she is going Charlie suddenly finds herself jogging hard towards the wharf. She is lost in her thoughts. She is watching the morning sunshine bounce off the waters surface as she runs.

"Morning Charlie."

Charlie slows slightly at the sound of her name, then stops, "Aiden. Hi." She slightly bends, clutching at her side, as she tries to catch her breath.

"You're up early?"

"Yeah." Charlie straightens up, looks at Aiden's handsome face. "About time I sorted myself out!"

"Why's that?"

"Long story." Charlie pauses, she knows this is her chance. "Aiden?"

"Uh huh."

"If Joey wanted to get off the boat," Charlie feels nerves flit in her stomach, "would it be possible? Could she get off early?" Her eyes dart around Aiden's face, they hold Aiden's eyes, she doesn't know what Aiden knows, she feels somehow childish for asking.

"Um, well if she wasn't well they would bring her in, but she couldn't just decide to leave for no apparent reason, she would have to finish her tour. Why?" Aiden's eyes look quizzically at Charlie.

"No particular reason." Charlie lets her eyes drop to the ground. "Would you know when she is _exactly_ due back?"

"I haven't heard anything; I could probably find out. Charlie, is everything OK?"

"Um, yeah, yeah. I just need to know. If you could find out that would be great." Charlie looks at Aiden, she appreciates his help, "And Aiden," Aiden's eyes look at Charlie, "can we keep it between us?"

"Yeah, sure."

Aiden is highly curious but he knows there is no point asking, Charlie won't give anything away.


	6. Joey Aiden, Charlie Aiden

"Wow Charlie, another run? You've been going hard this week haven't you?"

"A little bit I guess." Charlie looks shyly at her sister. "I've just been thinking about what you said, what I want. Running seems to help me to keep a clear head, that's all."

"So? What have you decided?" Ruby knows Charlie is going to fight but she wants to hear Charlie say it.

Charlie looks proudly at her sister, "I want to fight for her Rubes. What we had was special. It's something I definitely don't want to lose. I let her walk, well sail away once and I don't want her to run away again."

Ruby grins widely at Charlie, she steps forward and wraps her arms tightly around her. "Yeah. I'm so happy for you Charlie. I really think it is the right thing to do."

"Me too Rubes, me too." Charlie's head rests on Ruby's shoulder, her hand runs lovingly over Ruby's hair, "I should never have been stupid enough to let her go in the first place."

They squeeze each other tight.

***

"Joey are you sure?" Aiden's words sound disbelieving as he speaks into the radio.

"Please Aiden, I've already told her I'm not coming back to the Bay. Please don't tell her when the boat is due back."

"But, why Jo?"

"Aiden please! This is hard enough already, please don't make it any harder."

"Joey, she is miserable without you; lost in a weird world of all work, not doing anything else, I really believe she loves you, wants you back."

"It's not enough Aiden, she broke my trust. Always kept me at arms length."

"Joey, just think about it OK. I'm not going to say anything to her yet; but just think about it. I know you loved her. Really think about what you are doing before you throw it all away; we all make mistakes Jo, some are harder to get over than others, but just be sure this is really what you want."

"Aiden, I can't talk anymore, I've got to go back up on deck."

Aiden hears the sound of catching emotion in Joey's voice as she clicks off. "Just think about it Joey, that's all I'm saying."

He listens quietly as the sound of static fills Lou's office in response.

***

"Aiden, hi." Charlie is surprised to find him alone at the bar.

"Charlie, hey. How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Good, good." Aiden's words are soft and trailing as he remembers his radio conversation with Joey.

"Any news on Joey's boat yet?" Charlie's voice is full of hope.

"Um, no." Aiden glances quickly at Charlie before his eyes become downcast, his hand plays nervously with his drink. "Nothing confirmed yet, tides and biting fish will dictate that."

Charlie can't stop the look of disappointment as it crosses her face. "Oh! Yeah, I guess. Ah, sure."

Aiden sees the disappointment on Charlie's face, he feels bad for his lie, "Charlie. Why do you want to know?" Aiden is torn between his two friends, he doesn't know what is the best thing to do.

Charlie takes a deep breath, she pulls up a stool, orders a vodka for herself and another rum for Aiden, turning, she looks directly at him, lightly shrugs, "Because I love her." Her words are simple and honest. She watches Aiden as Aiden watches her, "Because, I made a stupid mistake. Because if I could turn back time and do it all differently, I would. Because I don't want to lose her. Because I let her go once and I don't want to let her go again." Charlie takes a long mouthful of her vodka, she looks deep into Aiden's eyes, "Because she wrote me a letter," Charlie pauses, "she told me she was not coming back to the Bay and I just need to know, if there is any chance she will take me back then I need to know. I want to fight for her Aiden." Charlie runs a hand forcefully through her hair. "I can't just walk away, forget about everything, I messed up but I want the chance to make it right."

Aiden doesn't know what to say. He looks at Charlie for a long moment, he sees the hurt in her eyes, feels the love in her words. Slowly he reaches out, his hand holds gently to her shoulder, internally he is still battling with what is the right thing for him to do, "Charlie, I'm sure everything will be alright. If it's meant to be, it will be."

Unable to look at Charlie any longer, Aiden turns back to the bar. He lets his elbows rest on the bars edge, he takes a long mouthful of his rum, he is suddenly aware he could be the only key to Charlie's happiness.


	7. Aiden & Ruby

"Hey, are you OK Charlie? You've been really quiet since you got home."

"I'm fine Rubes."

"Charlie, you're not smiling, you sound miserable, you're not fine. What's happened?"

Charlie looks across the kitchen table to her sister. "It's nothing, I'm just feeling sorry for myself that's all."

"Why?"

"I asked Aiden last week if he could help me find out about the return date for Joey's boat."

"And?"

"Well I ran into him earlier tonight at the Surf Club, it's not bad news, it's just he didn't have any news yet and I really had my hopes up. I just feel a bit flat now that's all."

"Charlie, you still have time."

"I know, it's just as every day draws closer I get more anxious, I don't want to mess this up."

"And you won't." Ruby's hand reaches across the table, she takes Charlie's hand in her own and squeezes gently. "Stay positive Charlie."

***

"Morning Aiden." Ruby skips across the diner and flops into the chair opposite Aiden.

"Hey Ruby, what's up?"

"Nothing. Charlie tells me you are trying to find out when Joey is due back that's all." Aiden doesn't need another 'Buckton interrogation', he looks hastily down at the table, busies himself with his food; Ruby notices, "Aiden are you OK?"

Aiden nods, keeping his eyes on the table he takes a mouthful of his sandwich. With his mouth stuffed he honestly believes he can buy some time, think about his response.

Ruby looks hard at Aiden, a tingle of nervousness begins to play in her stomach, "What aren't you saying Aiden?"

Their eyes meet, Aiden knows it's pointless. He puts his sandwich down, pushes his plate off to one side. "Ruby." He takes a deep breath. "Look, I know how much Charlie is hurting, I know she desperately wants to see Joey."

"But?" Ruby feels the tingle build to a sick nervousness.

Aiden looks sadly at Ruby, he sees the fret and worry on her face, "Look I honestly still don't know when the boat will dock, it's still a week or so away, it will depend on tides etc, but I spoke to Joey on the radio"

"And?" Ruby's voice is a little high pitched, she can't take her eyes from Aiden, she is wrought with emotion.

"Ruby, she doesn't want me to tell Charlie. She almost begged me not to." Aiden can no longer look at Ruby's disbelieving face.

"But you have to." Ruby's voice is full of desperation.

"Ruby, you can't say anything to Charlie just yet; I have asked Joey to really think about it. She may change her mind."

"She has to change her mind Aiden, Charlie will be devastated." Ruby's eyes become moist. "I'll be devastated." She adds quietly, knowing that it's true.

"Ruby, promise me you won't say anything, no good can come from telling Charlie just yet. There is still time for Joey to change her mind and honestly I really don't know when the boat is exactly due back."

Ruby feels sick. She had been the one to encourage Charlie to fight, she had never imagined Joey wouldn't want to see her. She can't bear to think about Charlie, what she will do if she doesn't get to see Joey, she had been so much more upbeat since her decision to fight.

"Oh my god Aiden," Ruby's words are sad. She rests her elbows on the table, holds her head in her hands, "of all the scenarios.... this is not one I imagined."

Aiden is looking intently across the table. "Ruby promise me you won't say anything. And please, stop thinking the worst, Joey may change her mind."

Ruby can only nod, her ability to speak is lost.


	8. Telling Charlie

"Look Aiden," Joey is standing firmly in the boats cabin, radio receiver in hand, she is gazing through the window, watching, as the dancing sunshine plays lightly on the waters surface all around her. It reminds her of the afternoon she shared with Charlie on Alf's boat, her voice is distant, quiet, "Look, I love Charlie, I will always love her. But I can't be with someone that keeps me at arms length. It's not only that she slept with _him_, but she went out of her way to keep it a secret. Aiden, I don't want to be hurt like that again."

Aiden listens intently through the crackle of the radio, he's sure he hears Joey choke a little, "Joey, I can't believe you, you of all people would just give up on someone so easily and walk away, Charlie loves you, I have spoken to her, and Joey, I have to tell you, I really think you will be making a huge mistake if you don't at least give her a chance to talk."

Joey can't speak. She feels a tear roll quietly down her cheek. Aiden's words are not what she wanted to hear. Trying to walk away from Charlie, she's finding, is hard enough. Her throat becomes tight, "Aiden, I'm sorry, I have to go."

Aiden stands still. He's contemplative; still torn as to which friend to help. He listens to the sound of static as it, once again, fills Lou's office.

***

"Aiden, hi." Ruby is surprised to see Aiden as she opens the door.

"Hey Ruby. Is Charlie here?"

"Uh, no. She's at work. She'll be home in about an hour if you want to wait or she's off tomorrow. Any news on Joey yet?"

Aiden hears the hope in her voice, "Yeah, that's actually why I'm here."

Ruby opens the door wide, "Come in, come in" reaching for Aiden's arm she practically drags him inside.

"So?" The word sounds high pitched as Ruby bounces lightly on the sofa with nerves and excitement.

Aiden places himself in the armchair opposite, "Ruby I should just wait for Charlie."

"Please tell me it's good news Aiden; this has been killing me not knowing what's going on."

Taking a breath, Aiden looks at Ruby, still not convinced he's doing the right thing, he wants Ruby's advice, "Ruby," the word is no sooner out of his mouth than they are both looking up in surprise.

"Charlie, you're home early!" Ruby finds herself quickly on her feet. She feels like a child that has been caught doing something naughty.

"Hey." Charlie looks nervously between Aiden and her sister, her legs gently shake. "Aiden? What are you doing here?" Charlie can hardly breath, she lets herself fall on the sofa where Ruby had just been sitting, her eyes look longingly at Aiden.

"Hi Charlie. How are you?"

"Aiden?" Charlie can't say anymore, she is staring hopelessly at Aiden, quietly praying for good news.

Aiden looks slowly at Charlie, then at Ruby, he gets lost in both girls pleading eyes as they beg for good news. "Charlie," Aiden leans forward, he exhales, feels nervous, he rests his elbows on his knees and rubs his hands firmly together, "listen, I have spoken to Joey, twice, on the radio." His words falter, his eyes fall to the floor at everyones feet, he is unable to look any longer at the two sisters.

Charlie feels her heart beat faster, she looks distraught, she edges forward on the sofa, "And? Aiden when is Joey due back?"

"Charlie listen.' Aiden's eyes dance nervously between the floor and Charlie's face, before finally settling on the floor, "Charlie, she doesn't want me to tell you."

Shocked, Charlie lurches forward on the sofa, she feels her heart sink. She feels sick. Angry; definitely angry at herself, "God, please, tell me Aiden. I need to know, I need to see her! I need to try!" Charlie is beside herself, a tear quietly escapes and rolls down her cheek, her palms are sweaty, her brow furrowed.

Aiden reaches out, he takes Charlie's hands in his own, "Ssh, Charlie just wait." Aiden squeezes softly on her hands, "That's why I'm here. But, you need to know, she has asked me twice not to tell you, if you do see her, she won't be happy and she definitely won't be happy with me."

"I know." Charlie surprises herself finding the strength to talk, "I know it won't be easy, I know she hates me for what I did but I have to try. Damn it, I have to try." Charlie's voice chokes, she lets go of Aiden's hands, she feels the anger at herself, as it builds in her chest. Clinging tightly to the sofa cushion, her head starts to spin, Aiden's words finally sink in. "Aiden, please tell me." Charlie's voice is pleading, begging, the thought of finally seeing Joey is overwhelming, "When is she due back?"

Aiden's big puppy dog eyes flick quickly to Ruby before they again look directly at Charlie, "Tomorrow. Charlie, she is due back tomorrow." Aiden smiles softly to himself as he watches relief momentarily wash over Charlie. "Depending on the current, the boat will get in between five and six-thirty am."

Charlie exhales loudly, unaware she had even been holding her breathe. She feels butterflies dance wildly in her stomach, she is excited, nervous and scared all at once. She is speechless, she turns slowly to Ruby and bursts into tears, after holding everything in the emotions become too much.

Ruby scuttles quickly along the sofa, she holds her sister close, lets her hand run lovingly up and down Charlie's back.

Ruby is looking at Aiden over Charlie's shoulder. "Thanks Aiden. You did the right thing."

Aiden can only nod and honestly hope that he has.


	9. The Reunion

Charlie paces nervously on the dock, she's beside herself with anxiety. It's four am, it's dark, it's a crisp autumn morning, she is very aware it has been ninety-four _long_ days since she last saw Joey. Her legs and hands won't hold still, silently she is praying that Joey's boat arrives closer, rather than later, to Aiden's five am ETA. She is uncertain how much longer her nerves will hold out.

Charlie stares uncertainly out to sea, there is still nothing on the horizon. She is breathing loudly and deeply, trying to calm herself. One hand rubs vigorously at her temple, before pushing roughly back through her hair.

'Charlie, calm yourself. Being frantic is not going to help the situation when she arrives.' The little voice inside her head has not shut up all morning. 'Now we need to be calm, we need to be rational, we need to be open. Remember, Joey does not want to see you, you need to convince her otherwise.'

"Aarrgghhhh" the sound is suddenly audible, muffled but audible from Charlie's lips. With her fists clenched tight, her pacing becomes frantic. "Charlie, stop." The little voice becomes vocal, "Go and sit in the car, try to relax."

Surprising to Charlie, she actually listens to herself. Now, sitting in the car she watches as her leg jiggles and taps wildly about. She turns the ignition, cranks up the heat and swings frantically up and down the radio dial trying to find something, _anything at all_ that will calm her nerves. She stops suddenly. Blanche DeBois, Love Only Hurts; instantly recognizable as their song from the boat. She lets her head fall back against the seat. Staring blankly out toward the horizon she becomes lost in her memories, the sun silently breaks through the dawn.

The song ends and the booming DJ's voice brings her crashing back to reality, her moment is lost. She kills the engine and jumps hastily from her car, nervously pacing again.

Charlie looks at her watch for what feels like the thousandth time, five twenty am, she hears the little voice as it reads her the time. Placing her hands on her hips she bends forward, she breaths deep. She wants to run away, her nerves are starting to get the better of her, she begins to wonder if she should let Joey be, just walk away?

With this thought in mind, Charlie straightens up, her eyes are immediately drawn to the boat now bouncing carelessly towards her. She knows she won't walk away. Catching her breath, the mantra begins to repeat in her head, 'Oh my god, please still love me, please still love me, please still love me.'

Transfixed by it's motions, Charlie is mesmerized, watching as the boat comes purposefully in. She is leaning quietly against her car, her arms folded, when oddly she feels a calmness descend upon her. She hopes it will last.

Watching as the crew begin to secure the vessel, Charlie steps gently forward in the dawn light, she stops at the top of the gangway and holds securely to the rail.

***

Charlie watches as Joey throws her bags over the side of the boat and onto the dock. 'Oh my god! She is even more beautiful than you remember. Look at the wind swept hair; the sun kissed skin; the tight toned arm muscles.' The little voice is booming in her head. She feels her heart thunder in response. Charlie cannot tear her eyes away as she drinks Joey in.

Stepping purposefully forward, Charlie walks the rest of the dock, she watches as Joey shoulders her pack, "Can I help you with those?"

Joey freezes, having immediately recognized the voice. With her back still to land, she stares out to sea, "What are you doing here Charlie?"

"I couldn't stay away."

Joey turns, she comes face to face with the woman she loves. "How did you know?"

Charlie is instantly lost in the depths of Joey's golden eyes. "Please, don't be mad at Aiden. I had to beg him to tell me."

Joey's words are soft, said almost to herself. "I'll kill him!"

"Joey please. I had to see you. I'm not just going to let you run away from me, we need to talk. _I need to talk_. Please, give me a chance."

Joey feels her heart beating fast, her palms lightly sweat. Charlie is undoubtedly, more beautiful than she cared to remember. She looks deep into the piercing blue eyes looking intently at her, "Charlie, this is not a good idea." Joey hears her words as they tumble from her lips, she is unsure if they are answering Charlie or the thoughts running wild in her own mind.

"Yes, it is Joey. I stupidly let you go last time, I don't want to make the same mistake twice." Charlie desperately wants to reach out and hold Joey, somehow she refrains, not wanting to scare Joey she absently stuffs her now clammy palms deep inside her pockets, "Please Joey, we need to talk, I need to talk."

"I can't Charlie"

"Why?" Charlie hears her own voice, which is pleading.

"How am I suppose to trust you again? You broke my heart." Joey's eyes look intently at Charlie, she is searching for an answer, looking directly into Charlie's soul.

"I know." Charlie wipes at her face as a tear quietly escapes, "Joey, I know. I made a mistake, a massive horrible mistake. I never should have kept it from you, we should have talked. I freaked out. I know I can never change what I did. God, if I could I would." Charlie again wipes at her eyes, "I was to busy listening to other people instead of listening to my heart and I messed up. But Joey, please, believe me, I haven't stopped loving you"

Joey fights hard against the lump that is building in her throat, "Where are we suppose to go from here Charlie? Do you expect me to just open my heart, my arms, take you back?" Joey can't stop her own tear as it gently escapes.

"No. I know it will take time. I know you'll need to learn to trust me again."

Charlie again, desperately wants to reach out, take Joey's hand in her own, but she knows it would be too much. "Joey, you have to know, from the first moment I saw you, you opened my heart."

Joey doesn't want to listen, she had made up her mind on the boat. She raises one hand to her head, hiding her eyes she turns gently away, she feels lost, she feels confused, she cuts Charlie off, "Charlie, what do you want from me?"

Charlie reaches out, panicked that Joey is walking away. She takes Joey's arm gently and spins her back around until they are facing each other, "I want you to love me again. _Joey, I want to show you how much I love you_," Charlie's words are soft, she moves slightly closer, slowly raising Joey's hand and laying it gently on her own heart. She rests her hand on top of Joey's "I want to show you how much I have always loved you, how much I_ always will_." Joey feels Charlie's heart as it knocks wildly in her chest. Joey can't breathe, this is beyond anything she had imagined, she is lost in Charlie's eyes. "Please Joey, give me another chance?" Charlie holds steady to Joey's gaze, she reaches her free hand, let's it run tenderly along Joey's jaw line. She watches as Joey swallows hard, then softly cupping Joey's face Charlie pulls tenderly until their foreheads gently touch.

"Joey, I'm sorry. I'm really, really so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Charlie's eyes are closed, her words whispered, her tears fully flow.

Joey is motionless, her hand still rests on Charlie's beating heart. "Charlie." They both listen, but her words falter.

"Joey, please, trust me when I say I love you."

Charlie pulls her head slightly back, runs her thumb softly over Joey's bottom lip. Joey looks tenderly up, she looks deep into Charlie's eyes, her own tears break free from her eyes, "Charlie" Joey again tries to speak, but again her words falter.

Charlie lets her head move ever so slightly, her eyes hold tenderly to Joey's, she listens as Joey's breathing becomes shallow. Slightly moving again Charlie lets their lips lightly brush. For a tender moment they stay there, gently holding each other, both lost in the moment, lip against lip, they deeply breath the other in. It's Joey that eventually moves. She moves her hand and raises it slowly, lets it clutch gently at Charlie's face.

Charlie hears the sound of her own breath, it catches deep in her throat, as suddenly, she feels Joey's soft lips begin to move softly against her own.

Charlie can't stop the smile that plays at her lips, she pulls Joey closer and gets lost in the kiss.

****************************************************************************************************

Thank you very, very much, for reading and reviewing! Very, very, sweet.

This was me annoyed that Charlie has not said one word about Joey since she left..... (If she has now, I apologize, I no longer watch the show!) A mute person would have more to say about what they had just been through with Joey. I stick my tongue out to H&A for sweeping another gay character under the carpet.


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